Keith Lemon's Lemonaid

Back in February I applied for a new ITV programme called Lemonaid, presented by Leigh Francis, famed for his award winning Celebrity Juice show.  Anyone who's watched late night Celebrity Juice knows how rude and suggestive Keith Lemon is so I had a good idea what kind of show it would be.

Knowing that Keith Lemon is all about sexual innuendoes, an idea I'd already been planning involving nipple tassels was my instant thought to pitch.  As I'm a model and love wearing tassels I wanted to combine the cheekiness of pin up with my infatuation for Katy Perry; make a funny and rude video paying homage to the California Gurls singer and get her to see the vid.  So that's what I wrote in my application to the production team.

I wasn't surprised when I received a call about my application because I knew it was a cheeky idea that was right up Keith Lemon's street.  It didn't quite pan out that way though.  I was told quite literally that my idea was too rude for the programme!  The show was intended for a prime time family viewing slot and that because of the time schedule it meant all ideas had to be clean.

Keith Lemon do a clean family teatime show?  The potty mouthed comedian of night time sexually driven Celebrity Juice?   I couldn't honestly see the connection and waited with baited breathe for the series to actually come to air.

Lemonaid was aired for the first time on Saturday night at 6:15pm over the Easter weekend and within seconds of the show starting it proved to be the same recipe as Celebrity Juice, barely it's diluted sister.

The set was a huge Keith Lemon head with his porn star moustached mouth as his table and trademark bandaged right (wanking) hand as guests chair.   Lemon's opening words were to proclaim he never thought he'd be 'sat on my own face' and told his live audience that he's 'a genie of the lamp' - 'give me a little rub' he said as he gestured with his bandaged hand.

And so the usual remarks continued, echoing Celebrity Juice, only this time having prime position of teatime tv.

Guest Cilla Black was complimented on being 'bang tidy' and that she had a figure that was 'svelte; streamlined like a nice sausage'.   During an on set game Lemon remarked on the costume camels saying  'look at all the camel toes', referring to what we all know.

Don't get me wrong.  I like a bit of sexual innuendo.  I have a dirty mind myself that I bet even Mr Lemon would raise his bushy eyebrows at.  But call this family viewing friendly?  I totally disagree.

Then Keith Lemon had a mission to complete which involved an eleven year old lad wishing he could be Keith Lemon.  His 'wish' was granted and he spent the rest of the day dressed like a mini Keith, 'tash and all.  There wasn't so much a problem with what they did (they went bowling to 'shoot some balls' and chatted up women) but more the fact that how would an eleven year old know who Keith Lemon was if he didn't stay up past his bedtime watching late night adult tv programmes?  Not exactly what a kid that age should be doing, or more to the point, a tv show basically approving it.

So really the same old naughty suggestive lines continued through to the end.  The innocently titled 'Lemon Drops' game dropped to the gutter with prizes such as a JLS duvet cover - 'go to bed with four fit pop stars' - and a swingball game for a man told 'you'll love swinging'.  Cilla Black, who was controlling Lemon's human fun fair grabber, said 'You've never talked to me between your legs before' with Keith swiftly replying 'can sort that out at the end of the show if you want'.

Celebrity Juice is hilarious and it's appropriately aired around 10pm.  Yet Lemonaid which is literally the same programme is aired just after 6, with the same rude jokes before the watershed, and this time there's kids in the mix.  Ewww.

What I can't understand is how my idea which involved a bit of pin up fun and current pop favourite, Katy Perry, was poo-pooed for being too rude?  Only last week on Britain's Got Talent there was a burlesque dancer who stripped down to her nipple tassels.  How was that aired then?

I have it sussed.  My idea wasn't too rude or racy for the tv audience.  It's because Keith himself would have been stuck for words when he'd see me whip out my tassels - bang tidy an' all!

Becky x

Tuesday.

I hadn't seen the Grammys but last night I saw on Katy Perry's Facebook that she'd performed a new song on her first outing since the split from Russell Brand.  I am totally blown away by it, it's an absolutely amazing song and definitely the right tune to belt out at this point in her life.  The song's called Part of Me and if you've not yet heard it, you must!  I'm totally addicted to it already - and you can hear here:

I got an awesome phone call this afternoon and I'm so bursting to tell about it but I have to be sworn to secrecy at the moment.  It concerns my lovely bunny Bobby (who's in my main picture with me) but that's all I can say!  It's really good news anyway - may not sound that great, but really is good, for Bobby and me.  I will tell all soon enough...!

I also had a phone conversation with a tv production company who are making a new Keith Lemon show.  Unfortunately the huge idea I had to go on with seems too rude for it!  Now, knowing what Celebrity Juice is like, you'd think a new show would be equally if not more rude than that, but no, apparently it's going to be for family viewing.  Very disappointing on my part, I think I sounded absolutely crazy and that guy on the other end of the phone is probably wondering what a kind of mad woman I am.  Hmmm.  I think I need a plan B and come back to it.

On a different note, I finally used my sewing machine!  Woo-hoo!  I had been petrified of trying it out, since the last time I touched one was at school and I remember how pants at it I was.  But yeah, it was kinda cool (once I'd had a melt down trying to figure out how to rig it up and ended up reeling Sean in to figure it out for me.  He's a man.  It's mechanics.  That's how I'm seeing it.)  It reminded me of the first driving lesson I ever had, oh my goodness, that feeling of touching the accelerator and not daring to actually push your foot onto the pedal.  I'm sure it'll all come with practice, I'm hoping!  I had a little go of stitching in a straight line with various stitch types and then reinforcing stitches by reverse stitching.  Then I decided I would just jump straight into it and finally sewed some lining on the bedroom curtains.  I think it helped that I did stitch something tangible, and makes me feel more confident about going on the sewing machine again and trying out other stuff, like the cushions I've been wanting to make for months.  If anyone has any tips for a sewing machine beginner, please do share!  Being a perfectionist it frustrates me that I can't do it perfectly right away and I want to be a proper sewing machinist.  Well, capable of producing more than lining on curtains.  :-)

Becky x

I've been Heatworld!

Cruising about the web as I do, I came across Heat magazine's website, Heatworld.  Having a bit of a browse I came across some more Katy Perry goss, and being a big KP fan myself I had to have a look.  I thought I'd landed on my own blog because I arrived at a page entry called 'Katy Perry's feeling blue'.  Now I'm either being stalked by the UK's hottest celeb mag or I'm a damn good writer who needs to be given a job there!

My blog,  dated 16th Jan (left) and Heatworld, dated 17th Jan (right)

And to those who remember me saying I was getting my own hair done today, I'm sorry to say I didn't go blue.  Not that I had the choice!  It was at Saks Academy and the L'oreal rep was down and it was only root touch up and full colour on the menu today.  I quickly grew a dislike to my hair colour before, I felt it was too orange, so went for a slightly cooler all over colour.  Apparently I can go for something more drastic in the coming months, so we'll see! Though by that time Katy's probably gone orange...

Becky x

Katy Perry's Feeling Blue...

So, Katy Perry is starting the new year facing a divorce from beau Russell Brand.  I haven't got a clue why and how they came to this point and, through all the magazine and newspaper speculations and allegations, I don't really give a monkeys.  I do because I love Katy Perry but I'm not interested in gossiping about her love life, I don't think it's very fair when it's a personal deal to them.  I was kinda using the blue theme to give me a cheap swing onto my actual topic but I've probably spoiled it now...

Katy Perry has dyed her hair blue again!  I noticed only last month she'd had her hair cropped, and I think it looks really cute.  Katy can pull off any look though, I'm sure, but it is a refreshing change to see her like this.  Katy came onto the scene over here in the UK in 2008 when she had dark hair, we never knew her as her blonde Katy Hudson.  Throughout the One for the Boys album her hair remained relatively the same until the California Gurls song from her second album, Teenage Dream, came out and we were introduced to wacky haired Katy.  She seemed to have grown her hair out to this point but I ended up losing track of how long or short or brightly coloured her hair was or not because of the use of wigs.

Personally I like Katy dark haired, despite her natural blonde and her opting for a more Smurf-like do now.  (Which is funny because when Katy voiced over for Smurfette she actually reverted back to a shade of natural blonde and not the blue we've seen).  I think deep brunettes are pretty cool with a sexy allure.  I'm one of them.  I should know ;-)  But, I'm sure Katy will always be a different hue haired girl and no matter what her hair colour, she'll always be enthusiastically in your face.

I hope Katy does still use her wigs, because they're cool and quirky and because I've just bought a Katy Perry blue hair wig.  I'm working on a really funny project at the minute that I'm hoping to bring to Youtube in good time.  It would be awesome for Katy to actually see what I'll be doing too, because I'm sure she'll love it.

In two days time I have an imminent hair colour change because I model at Saks Academy and they have L'oreal coming up.  I was just planning on having another shade of brown, touch up my roots (cover my grey *ouch*), but now Katy has had her hair cut short and now redyed an electric blue, I may need to step up the mark?  We shall see, ay!

Becky x